


There's Always an Idiot with a Big Sword

by AcierGlace



Category: Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle, Vampire Knight
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, multi-fandom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:13:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcierGlace/pseuds/AcierGlace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Howl suggested she worked with hair, this seemed like the logical thing to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Always an Idiot with a Big Sword

“-halfway through the battle when I realize he's swung that damn sword blindly and takes a half-inch off the left side!” 

“Truly unforgivable.” 

“I can hear you, you bastard! That's no excuse to take mine off at the shoulders! Do you have any idea how long it takes to grow back?!”

“Singed! Singed the entire left side! I mean look at that! It'll all have to go!” 

“-has no respect for conditioner. I have split ends! Then, he's waving that damn thing around, screaming about 'dancing' and shears off a patch! Patch!”

“-throws the damn thing right at my head! I mean, sure I'm fast, but now I've got this line of uneven unevenness!”

“-swears it was an accident, but I know there's more to the story than that. You don't just perform dangerous techniques like that in the corridors.”

“-I don't care that it's technically his body too! He can't just change it to this! I mean, look at it! It's like he cut it with his dagger!” 

“They told me I had to get it done somewhere professional, and I heard this was the best place.” Zero scanned the waiting room warily, seeing a very common theme here. There seemed to be just one chair and one stylist, which seemed unfair because of the large party waiting. She smiled brightly at him, giving her clients a warm look. Very brave, since it seemed half the men here could probably take her head off with a particularly sharp glare. 

“This wasn't exactly what I had planned to do when Howl suggested opening a shop, but I guess someone who knows hats should probably know something about hair too, hm?” She laughed at his bewildered look and patted his hand. “I know they sound very fierce, but they're harmless.”

“Right.” He didn't think so. The three in the corner had swords longer than their bodies propped up beside them. The young men in his age range weren't any less armed, one white-black sword, one malevolent-looking Egyptian circle necklace, and he could have sworn that other one had appeared using a black abyss portal. The only normal looking ones were the pervert with his nose in the hentai and the man he was talking with in the white formal overcoat. 

“Just take a seat while I finish with Xemnas.” She waved him over to the waiting room and returned to the man on the chair who was complaining about someone not respecting his hair gel. 

“Er, can I sit here?” He pointed at the empty chair beside the sane-looking older man in the room.

“Yes, yes. Sit!” Zero faltered in the face of the enthusiastic welcome and dropped into it hesitantly. “So who is your 'brat with the sword?' Is that the right term, gentlemen?”

“-more like idiot.”

“-uncaring bastard-”

“-emotionally deprived sociopath.” 

They all glanced at the scowling man in the corner, with the six-foot katana and the noticeably lopsided distribution of hair, and wisely said nothing. 

“Right.” They looked back at him. Zero colored a bit under the attention. “So?” 

“Uh, no sword-”

“Magic attacks then, right?” The boy with the two-colored sword crossed his arms petulantly. “Hate those.”

“Clumsy idiots with no sense.” The abyss-boy glanced at the sane-older man and they nodded.

“No-”

“Shares your body and thinks he can just hack away with whatever blunt object is in reach?” 

“No.” Zero gave a worried look at the pervert. So didn't want to hear it! “Just some friends who suggested I come here rather than do it myself.” 

They stared at him with slowly growing horror. 

“You cut it yourself?!” 

Zero flushed.

“Is that bad?” 

They all paled.

“Guess so.”

“I used to do that too.” The pervert had reached over and patted his arm, giving him a pitying look with his only visible eye. Zero stared at it. He was touching him. Perversion wasn't communicable, right? “But I realized how special I was and couldn't bring myself to sully the beauty that is my hair.”

They all nodded. 

Zero suddenly felt like he wasn't in the right place. 

“Ah, Sophie! You're just in time with this one!” 

The hairstylist had finished, Xemnas looking arrogant and smirky as he left the shop, running a hand through perfectly groomed locks. 

“Let him go next. He-” They all exchanged looks of terror and pity before one of the other men with a gigantic sword -and were those fucking dog ears!- continued in a hushed voice. “-used to actually style his hair himself.” 

“Oh, Zero, I had no idea! Why didn't you say it was an emergency?!” 

Somehow, in some way, this was a vampire's fault. Zero wasn't sure how yet, but there was no way another human being would inflict this kind of torture on a fellow member.

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble - no planned sequel


End file.
